Panic Attack

Kirsten van der Linden | Blog EN

Panick Attack

Last night I had a panic attack. Well, it felt like in the middle of the night, but it was already six in the morning. The attack was telling me the following things:

‘’Oh my God, what am I doing!!?? All the sentences started with: I cannot… It is impossible… I don’t know how to manage… And the end of this agonizing attack, which kept me from sleeping and get the rest I need so hard, I thought: Maybe I shouldn’t go to Nepal at all… be smart, save money, don’t take these risks. And also the question rose: Tell me again why I am doing this? Why do I want this at all? I have a lovely life here. You really should know how fortunate we are to live in Holland. I have a nice place to live, opportunities to make a successful business in my own country is everywhere, I have my sweet friends, my family, my comfort zone… And still I am doing this’’.

According to the above described madness, today I would like to share with you a quote of a book I am reading. These lines describe exactly what I am going through. By reading this I feel the strength and perseverance to hold on and stick to pursuing my dream. I hope it will also inspire you, wherever you are and whatever you are doing…:

Giving life to your dreams is like…. giving birth. Thinking about a good idea is the good part (hopefully), after this you will go through enormous amounts of fear, excitement, dreams, planning, surrender, growth, thinking you have lost your mind and are going crazy, thinking you are great, unstoppable, elastic and that you can change forms until you are unrecognizable to yourself and others.

Meanwhile you clean your own vomit, you rub you own sore back and you apologize to people you have ripped their head of during a hormonal temper attack. Still you stay on track, because deep inside you know that this baby of yours is going to be the absolute bomb! Then, finally, when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the contractions starts!! Your intestines are turning and shrinking and they force you to walk like an idiot, being bent over in the form of a letter C. You are praying and cursing at the same time. Then, when you think it cannot get any worse, a gigantic head comes out of a tiny, little hole being pushed out of your body.  

Then a complete miracle takes place. 

To be able to change your life and to start a new life you have never lived before, your believe and your faith in miracles and in yourself must be bigger than your fears. How easy or awful the delivery of your baby might be, you have to be willing to fall flat on your face, not knowing anything anymore, seeing only question marks, rise again, looking stupid, crying, laughing, making a big, big mess of it all, clean your shit and don’t stop before you have reached your finish line. Don’t stop, no matter what…

 Love yourself, you can do anything…. 

Book: ‘’You are a badass’’, from Jen Sincero.

Streetwise

Kirsten van der Linden | Blog EN | , ,

Streetwise

This category concerns all my sweet friends who are unfortunately being forced to live on the streets. I have so much respect for these animals. Nobody knows how much they have seen or what they have endured. They are the voiceless, but they need and yearned to be heard! That’s where I come in. When I am in Nepal I aim my focus on these lovely beings. It can be all kinds of animals, like dogs, cats, chickens, but also the male calves who are left out on the streets, because they are found to be ‘useless’. To give them a voice I reach out to them, I watch them where nobody looks, I truly see them. I kneel down next to them and take the time and the effort to look into their beautiful eyes and I read their story. The story nobody seems to bother to listen to. Of course I am not referring to the people who love animals like I do and are helping in their own ways.

When listening to their story I make use of my skill of animal communication which gives me the opportunity to really interact with animals. When interacting I get a feel of their story, of their emotions and of their never ending wisdom. How much we can learn from them… Starting with devotion, being able to survive, accepting what life throws at you, always ready to give a human being a second chance, loyalty, always ready to open up their hearts again and to love… Wow, how much we can learn from them.

My work in Nepal contains the medical treatments of animals in a natural way, where my education for natural therapies comes in. It also concerns to provide safely for animals. Because how unsafe is it to live on the streets?? But not only are these circumstances unsafe for my furry friends, but also for the people. Road accidents endanger them both. So next to being heard they also need to be seen to provide safety.

There are five kinds of minimal freedoms an animal has the right to. Those are

1. Free from thirst, hunger and unfit food

By giving fresh water and foods in order to stay healthy.

2. Free from discomfort

By providing fit housing and peace and quiet.

3. Free from pain, injuries and diseases

By prevention or otherwise quick diagnoses and fit treatments.

Free from fear and chronical distress

By providing circumstances which prevent stressful outcome.

5. Free to be able to show natural behavior

By providing enough space, possibilities and company of equal species.

In my work I will look out for these minimal freedoms as much as I possibly can.

My Crib

Kirsten van der Linden | Blog EN | , , , , , ,

My Crib

So now, in preparation of my big adventure. Everything seems to come at once. I am starting my own business. But not just any business. It is the business of my heart, my dream, my baby. So it has to be nurtured, taken care of and protected! But for me, I also need to know how to put myself with my baby out there! In an authentic way.

Aside this, I need money! I believe that the universe is working for everybody, as long as you have faith, if you believe. I really trust that things have their way of working out.

But still; I need money. So I have decided to leave my home, my sweet place, my peace, my sacred stillness. Take my kids, known as Pini, Lila, Lotus and Nootje and go elsewhere. In this way, I will safe some money for the sake of being able to live my dream. And my dream in reality is: going back to Nepal, where I left a peace of myself, where my heart lies.

Didn’t know I would sacrifice it all. And on the other hand, I always knew this about myself; that I would give and do anything, to follow my heart and live my dream. And my dream lies on the other side of the world.

It pains me to put my animals through this process. I have feelings like guilt and sadness. Yes, it all is part of living my dream. Not only happiness, but also insecurity, not knowing, wondering if I am making the right decisions. As every mother I am very protective of my children. My children are my animals and they mean the world to me! Who am I to put them through these troubles of moving to places? It is difficult. But the only thing I know is that I have to live according the rhythm of my heart and listen to the song my heart is playing. So to get there, is to leave my house right now, safe some money and then….  I’m like a bird, I only fly away… (Nelly Furtado).

If you keep doing the same things, you will keep on getting the same results. So I have to change my ways, to get different outcome, which will lead me towards my goal…. And make my dreams come true <3.

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